Fight For It!

I’ve been feeling more frustrated these past two weeks than I ever have before. I’ve been questioning a lot of things that are going on in my life. To give you a little update:

 

I have been having really bad pains in my stomach. The pains were so bad that today I couldn’t even get out of bed. There is a constant ache in my stomach and at times there are sharp pains that are really intense. My doctor here has given me some pain medicine and yesterday I slept for almost 20hours straight. Obviously, something is wrong with me and my health. The thing is… No doctor can find anything wrong with me. I must be the healthiest unhealthy person to live.

 

All my blood work came back fine. Praise Him! But, it’s frustrating that nothing can be found. Later this week I will get an ultrasound of my stomach and hopefully that will give us some answers.

 

The thing that is most frustrating is that these pains and sickness are holding me back from my ministry here in J-Bay. The running joke is that my internship is at Dr. Meyers clinic because I’ve been there more than I’ve been at my ministry site. I’ve had a few arguments with God over this. I just don’t understand WHY this is going on. Am I not here in Jeffrey’s to minister to the people? Why am I being held back? I want more than anything to be out in the townships with everyone else. It’s just not fair!!!

 

The more I think about it the more I can feel that God wants to heal me. He doesn’t want me to rely on anyone but Him for my health and strength. Right now I’m reading a book called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. Something that really struck me was when Shane is talking about miracles and he says,

 

“We no longer live with such reckless faith that we need them. There is rarely room for the transcendent in our lives. If we get sick, we go to a doctor. If we need food, we go to a store and buy it. We have eliminated the need for miracles.”

 

Wow, there is so much truth in that statement and it’s totally rocking my world. God wants my utter dependence and HE wants to heal me. Then he can use that as a witness to his great power and love.

 

My J-Bay family is so amazing. This morning everyone took time to pray for me. A bunch of the girls and our leader Christiana came up to lay hands on me. One of the girls, Amber, started singing praise songs over me and something in my spirit moved. Christina told her to keep singing. As she did I started to get some really intense pains in my stomach. It felt like someone was stabbing me over and over again. I started to pray and rebuke and God told me “fight for it, fight for it.” I feel as though this isn’t a battle of my sickness and the medicine of this world. Perhaps it’s my spirit fighting for God and the world trying to hold me back from it.

 

Christina said she felt God was telling her that I must keep my spirit strong. I couldn’t agree more. These past few weeks I could feel my spirit shrinking. The light and joy God has placed in me has been growing dim. What am I doing to stop it?

 

God has great things in store for me in Jeffrey’s Bay and the Devil can’t steal, kill, or destroy any part of it. I’m not going to let him. I will stand firm in the Lord and not let the enemy have my spirit! I’m going to start fighting for it!!!

 

Psalm 54

“Come with great power, O God, and rescue me! Defend me with your might. O God, listen to my prayer. Pay attention to my plea. For strangers are attacking me; violent men are trying to kill me. They care nothing for God. But God is my helper. The Lord is the one who keeps me alive! May my enemies’ plans for evil be turned against them. Do as you promised and put an end to them. I will sacrifice a voluntary offering to you; I will praise your name, O Lord for it is good. For you will rescue me from my troubles and help me to triumph over my enemies”.